Christmas Season

The holiday season is such a mixed bag for me. I love the decorations and excitement that surround us in December. I enjoy the anticipation of Christmas morning when all our rushing and bargain hunting pays off in the pleasure we witness on the faces of those we have blessed. Yet this time of year is such a struggle for me. I lost my mom December 15 and Christmas, which was always so full of Mom as this was her absolute favorite time of year, has never been that same. I still enjoy seeing my children open their presents. I love the anticipation I see in them as we decorate and they plan for Santa. I enjoy the ideal of Christmas - the scenes we see on TV that never quite seem to come to fruition in real life. But I dread it too. I know that I will feel my loss more deeply and also will feel the stress of not having enough money to purchase what I long to for those in my life.

Poverty and Christmas are not a great mix. They are, even for those of us rich in Spirit, a volatile combination that can cause eruptions of anger and tears. I already feel the frustration as I was unable to take advantage of the bargains that were to be had today because we had absolutely no money in our bank account. I have begun to fear that my children will be deeply disappointed this Christmas morning when there is little, if anything, for them under the tree. I wonder how to prepare them without taking away the "magic" that is Christmas; something life will take away soon enough as they grow up. I want them to have the memories I do - ones of joy and anticipation and wonder.

My Savior is the ultimate gift I can pass onto my children. This I know for sure. Knowing Him and living as He showed us to are the greatest gifts I can give them. Living in a way that allows them to see the Hand of God and the love of Christ and the sacrifice He made for us is the only way that I know of to draw them to Him so that someday they too will choose to follow Him, even if that means a life of poverty, danger or even death. This Christmas season I long to find my worth in Him and that He chose me to complete a task. That He believes I can and will do it. That He never, ever gives up on me and will never fail me no matter how many times I fail Him. That may be the best gift I can ever give my children.