Personal Responsibility

Why are so many of us averse to taking responsibility for our lives? Why do we allow ourselves to live as victims rather than victors? We have victory in Jesus because He said so! He died so that we may live. Not as slaves to our worldly circumstances but rather as dead to us and alive in Him! We need to own our mistakes, recognize our failures, see ourselves as we really are, and then do what needs to be done to be realigned with the Word of God. For me, this has been quite the journey. I have had to see myself for what I was - I avoided the truth, sometimes in order to protect myself, but nonetheless this avoidance caused me to tell lies and that is a sin. People were hurt and I did that. So, I had to face it and fix it no matter how painful. Now I must face my fat. I am obese and this is not okay. This does not honor my God, my husband, my children. My life is limited and people limit me because of it. I have gifts that are unrecognized because they are veiled. I am seen, especially by Christians it seems, as unworthy and lazy. No longer! I will no longer live as a victim. I am not a slave to my fat, my appetite, my thyroid, my exhaustion, my depression, nor anything else that contributes to the reasons I have arrived here. I submitted an application to the Biggest Loser and have not heard from them. But really, I am not sure I wish to be away from my husband and children for up to 6 months. Not do I relish standing on a scale in spandex for the world to see. Nor do I wish to be touted as the heaviest contestant ever. Yet I desire to be healthy. I desire to lose this burden which holds me down though God desires me to soar. I am not the unworthy, unlovable person I was brought up to think I am. I am loved by God and He will help me overcome but I MUST DO THE WORK. I must resist temptation, fill up on His Word so I am armed and ready for battle and I must get moving. It is not a complicated equation really. But the thing is I must act. I am responsible and faith does not trump personal responsibility. If anything it should make us feel a greater sense of responsibility because we will stand before Him one day and answer for our choices. We are the servants of a just God who loves us so much He placed His son on the cross as a sacrifice so that we may live with Him forever. In the face of that, how can I not take responsibility, accept forgiveness and get on with correcting the problem? I can’t. Now is the time. This is the day.

Easter Sunday

It is Easter Sunday. The day we celebrate the culmination of the Christmas Story, for He had to be born in order to die. I so enjoyed the speaker at Lifechurch today, a former mobster who is a powerful example of the redemptive power of God’s love in a life fully surrendered. And then I think, “Am I fully surrendered?” With all that I have done wrong and all the mistakes I have made, God still loves me. He never turns His back on me. Yet I continue to hold back, even just a little and sometimes a lot. Why do I not let Him have it all? He wants it. He wants me to surrender and follow Him. He wants me to step back and allow Him to step up. I am so stubborn and pig headed. When will I stop trying to second guess God and do His job? When will I simply let go? I have lost it all, in a worldly sense. I have had no home for my family. I have been unable to pay bills, yet He provided. He has proven Himself to me over and over. It is time – time to sit down and shut up. Time to let Him lead me. Time to go where He wants me to go instead of where I want to go. Here I am Lord. Here I am.