Happy Birthday Mom!

Today marks the 60th anniversary of my mother's birth. Is that the correct way to word that? My mom's passing in 2003 was a defining moment in my life. The hole created by her absence is still there and I know that it always will be. My mom was the one person who truly believed in me no matter what. The only one who truly saw my potential and gifts until God blessed me with a husband that sees the same things. But no one replaces a mom.

The last few months, some of the hardest in many ways, I have missed my mom more than ever. I want to curl up in my mommy's arms and just have her stroke my hair as she always did and tell me that everything will be alright. That she will be there no matter what. That she will never let me fall too far. When the day is extra frustrating, I want to hear her laugh and say, "I survived and so will you."

My mom was a fiercely strong woman. She, after splitting from my dad, worked full time, went to school, raised us and worked her way from accounting clerk to comptroller of the East Coast and Puerto Rico for her company. She was respected at work, school and church. She was a band parents, booster club member, and PTA member. She was always there for us. She laid her career aside for a few years to work a job that allowed her to spend more time with my little brother when she felt he needed it. She was the quintessential oldest sister - she was protector and provider for her sisters, she was loyal to her parents and it seems that she was the glue that held us in the nucleus of the family as that has changed since her passing. She was not perfect. She was known to take to her bed for an entire day when she got a headache. She was a screamer. She was a neat freak. She didn't always voice her positive feelings towards all of us. And she was a NAG!!!

My mom was the best mom I could ask for. I know that I am blessed to have had her for 34 years. I know that God can and does comfort me when I feel alone and angry that she is gone. I wish my children had their grandmother to learn from and play with. The last words on our wedding video are my mom asking for grandchildren and I get so upset that she had so little time to enjoy them and there are some she has never met here on earth. I thank God every day that Tonnie was born when she was. My mom got to spend 4 years watching her grow and was able to spend quality time with Tonnie before her ability to speak and move was taken from her by ALS. Her other grandchildren were not blessed in this way. Tonnie misses her Gram and cries for her periodically. But this is good because mom's memory lives on in her heart and in all of her children. Tonnie can tell her brother and cousins about her time with Gram and they can know her through the eyes of a child.

Happy Birthday Mommy! I miss you everyday.